why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I supernannyed him into submission
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
