This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
