Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
