so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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