We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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