Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
