I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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