One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
