The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You've changed since you got that strap on
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
