Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
