cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
