Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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