please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
