Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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