She just used a chaser for red wine.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
