"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Plan B is the new Plan A
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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