I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
