your parents love me but you hate me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
