PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
