My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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