dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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