I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
