he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
