My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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