the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
