I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
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Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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