TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Watching her eat just hurts me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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