Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
