Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
