you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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