Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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