She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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