This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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