just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
