i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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