Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
