Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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