I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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