I looked at my own cervix.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
