Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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