yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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