I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize