Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
