Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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