My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
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Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize