I wish I could teleport
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
