Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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