i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
