Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My balls are so social today.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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