well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
