Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
