This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
