i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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