the condom got lost in my hair
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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