I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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