Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize