I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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