Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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