i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i came on her dog
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
