the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
