Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
