He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
