my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize