when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nicole vs. Life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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