it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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