so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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