You smell like stripper and shame
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
