dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
