I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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