I looked at my own cervix.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
